If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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