i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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