you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
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