I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
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