I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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