i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
