u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
hell yes lets make some ravioli
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
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