I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
