i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Randomize