I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
