Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
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