so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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