Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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