That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
