just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
