the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
