its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
