and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
