can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
he puts the penis in happiness.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
