Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
How's work?
Spinning.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
