im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Gay?
German.
Pity.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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