You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
