So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
