I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
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