I am spending my child support on dildos
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
