If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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