How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
