Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
