Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
