O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize