He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize