It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
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