So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
well most of my day revolves around power hour
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Randomize
