ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Mom said you looked used
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
