the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
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