I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
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