theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
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