I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
