So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
