return my video game
ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
