I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
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