HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Randomize
