Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
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