I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
