We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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