Me. At least after what I've been through.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Randomize
