After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Randomize
