dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Randomize