He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
