I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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