I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
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