She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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