make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
