You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
