I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
All the doctor said was why
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Randomize
