btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
