Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
