Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
