so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
