Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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