well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
