He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
