Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
