I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
She's like a pop up book from hell.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
