brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
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