I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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