i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
