I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
