If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Randomize
