need another drink. this is the easiest way
My room smells like vodka and shame
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
