This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
