either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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