the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
