why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize