Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
