I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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