why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
