Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
