just come out here and I will go home with you...
I need to stop coming to work sober
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize