I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
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